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Who am I? Jan 31st, 2004 8:47:39 pm EST
If you find out, could you give me a hint? Pretty please?
Here's the long and the short of my situation:
I had a boyfriend, for five long and lovely years. Sure, he was possessive. Sure, he didn't like me doing this and that and more. I learned to live in the box. I learned to like living in the box. We were all we had and that was OK.
We moved to Seattle a year and a half ago. I knew my life was going to change; I just didn't know how drastically.
Three months ago, a man started working at my job. I immediately hated him. He was arrogant, cocky, and not the least bit above entertaining thoughts of superiority. Even though he was likable to everyone else, I despised him. I even told him so on a regular basis.
So, why was I so attracted to him?
The sexual tension grew.
Did I mention that I still had my boyfriend?
And then, I found out about the New Guy. New Guy had a life he wasn't telling me about. One with a wife ... and a child. I remember being shocked out of my stupor. Reality called ... "Hey, loser ... this is what you get for thinking about cheating on your boyfriend!"
I asked for New Guy's email address anyway.
We went out on dates. I knew it was wrong. We threw around sexual innuendo like it was candy. I knew it was wrong. He kissed me, and I kissed him back. I knew it was wrong.
Boyfriend was still in the picture, but getting suspicious. So was NG's wife.
Two days before Christmas, it all blew up. NG and I finally fucked. It was AMAZING. My boyfriend found out and NG told his wife.
Christmas Day, my boyfriend kicked me out of our apartment and I went to stay with a friend. NG finally got an apartment for the two of us. We were boyfriend and girlfriend for a couple of weeks, but I decided that did not suit us. The two of us are big on our freedom, and I wanted to afford NG as much freedom as he needed.
But, I still love my former boyfriend. We go out on dates now, and I talk with him about some of my feelings. Naturally, I can't tell him everything. I can't tell anyone everything.
Like, the fact that I'm sleeping with NG and the Ex ... I have both men in my life, just like I wanted. I love them both. Sex with the Ex is warm, satisfying (not physically, but emotionally), and familiar. Sex with NG is rough, intense, and beyond proper description ... I've never had a man so interested in giving me orgasms. NG does not understand that I do not orgasm with him because I don't love him in that way, so I just fake it with him. I fake it with the Ex, too.
If you read all of this, good for you! You're either incredibly bored or unnaturally fascinated by the trainwreck that is my life right now. Oh well. This is the road I have chosen, so if you deign to take a ride on the Sure-to-Crash-and-Burn Express, glad to have you aboard!
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Mood: awake
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