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| .::.:.::...::: Personal Web Log :::...::.:.::. |
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Red eyed dawn, dancing clowns... Jan 13th, 2004 3:34:55 am EST
Some nights you just want to drink, be merry, perhaps take a shallow dive into somebody else's angst then burst back through the surface into your own indomitable ebullience and strike out for the lighthouse, see if you've got the stamina, see if you drown, see what's under the next wave. Well, damn it, those creepy bars where the 'regulars' go for their long haul maintenance can be opressively dull - I mean some bricklayer nursing a bud and a budding resentment can be dangerous conversation to a guy whose only defense is a long dick and a sharp wit. Thus I end up seeking the mellow lights, piano music in the background, the tinkle of ice cubes in crystal and the soft rustle of taffeta; conversational banalities signifying that we're both waiting for the next bus, no one's going anywhere here. I can do lounge lizard; its' not a lifestyle choice, just a casual dip into the gene pool.
"Is that a Rolex or are you just looking for a quick fuck?", damn, I love a provocative line. Actually, I just want to sit this one out, my blood alcohol level is getting dangerously low, I'm really into crappy piano music tonight... I can't help but wonder what kind of underwear...be still my curious dick. It's a rainy night, humid, no one wants to be alone at closing time, we chat - keep it light, a mile wide and an eighth of an inch deep, tell her my wife and I are separated (She's at home with the 3 kids and I'm out here trying to score), but she's not to be put off, even when I reach into my wallet and pull out the picture of my three nephews, and tell her they're my kids and how their mother ran off with a wrestler from Bosnia. She tells me she's never been in love, she's waiting for love, everyone's waiting for love but until it comes along a good poke will do. I tell her I have to find a cheap hotel the corporate lear jet doesn't arrive until eleven tomorrow morning. She tells me she has a spare bed and I ask her why mess it up, my company pays for the hotel and I need some well worn towels to clean the oil off the engine of the Ferrari when I get home, you know how they do that, Ferraris, it seeps out around the injectors. A Ferrari? It's one of those sporty cars,yes, Italian, red so then we have one for the road, and another one for the car, and another one for the Italians and one for old what's his name? Ferrari? Yeah one for him, too. She tells me she works for the phone company - so I figure now its' showtime - I tell her I'm a psychiatrist. By closing time my theory proves to be true - that most people lead lives of quiet desperation. Drinking time is done, but she's not, she has a bottle of wine back at her place, and she needs to talk more...
Wine, wine, whine, whine predictably she is in tears, she's "...never met anyone so warm and compassionate", she goes off to the bathroom and is gone for some time; I'm thinking it's time to check out and pull the famous disappearing act but she comes back into the room naked. "Let's go to bed, it's getting late" like we've been married for 60 years or something! Her body is a tad hefty, but I like that, good solid underpinnings, and her make-up is now gone but her eyes are red rimmed from the crying, still not bad, but it is her mind that is a mess. She comes over to me, all seductive asking if I like her and I am struck by the thunderbolt of truth - I cannot lie - her body is erotic, it is giving me serious wood, but it is her mind that terrifies me. She will 'love me to death' and it will be a slow painful death by suffocation. Sliding this pork sword into that rampant slit will seal my doom! I tell her I left my heart medication in the car and effect my escape.
In our city, the whores cruise Union Street - sort of poetic if you think about it, but who's thinking poetry when looking for a whore? It was now 4:00 A.M., and Mr. Happy was screaming for release, so we went looking. You can generally score a half and half for 50 bucks and a beaner for 20, but I was looking for one that just 'looked right' and she was standing naked outside the all night gas station. The pimps do that around here, put them out naked like that, so you can sort of 'see what you're getting into' so to speak, and this one was perfect - young, white, clean shaved and could fake that look of innocence. I gave her a c-note to come down to the beach with me and watch the sun come up, and when we got there it was just getting that angry red color that augers another humid day, so we walked down to the water's edge, and all the crack she had done that night, all the speed and whatever else began to kick in and she danced. A slow, sad dance to the feeble little waves, and I took off my pants to let 'Larry' do his own sad throbbing, pulsing dance; when she came over to me and got down on her knees, I came before she could even put it in her mouth, hit her right on the forehead with it, and she rinsed it off in the ocean.
"Let's go sport, I got places to go and things to do".
Zero Comments
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Don't read this part... Jan 9th, 2004 5:55:32 pm EST
Eight years old is pretty early on to suffer under the lash of intensity, but all that summer we ran off to the woods for the almost daily check on the development of pubic hair, the pokings and probings, whole days spent naked in the woods and ponds of our rural community...I didn't think it would ever end, but all summers must end. That fall, we walked to school together and cut home through the woods (!), and one day I carved her initials and mine into a Beech tree, and was pissed on for my reward (I was in love!) Before we knew it it was Halloween, but when I showed up at her house, she couldn't come out - she was in the hospital. A mysterious bruise on her thigh turned out to be the harbinger of Leukemia and by Valentine's day it was time to say good bye forever. I was listless and depressed for years to come, but I learned early on about endings and the meaning of forever. It hurt like hell, but it was an invaluable lesson to prepare me for all the goodbyes to come...
2 Comments
Mood: morose
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Innocence, where have you gone... Jan 6th, 2004 8:10:21 pm EST
A wisp of fog blows away and for an instant I can see it sparkle; the two shining lights of the elementary school, brightest,cutest,teeth like pearly buttons;full of piss and vinegar.
'Come into the woods with me', she said, 'and I will show you something I know that you don't know...'. I followed her into the woods with trepidation and insatiable curiosity, curiosity. 'Not here' she said,'deeper into the woods...over there'. Our feet hardly made a sound on the springy spring moss - the world smelled of heat and dirt and growth, and she said,'over here, behind this rock, under these trees', and I went. 'Come here', she said, 'and close your eyes',and I did. She took my hands and moved close, close - not touching,but I could feel the heat of her - and leaning close, ever so gently, she blew across the peach fuzz on the side of my face; her breath was hot and wet as a tropical rain forest and a chill radiated out from my face down my spine and bounced off the soles of my feet and hit my crotch like heat lightning. I gasped. 'Don't open your eyes', she said, and she touched the skin in front of my ear with her hot wet little tongue and my crotch began to glow. As she drew a circle around my ear with her tongue her flaming red hair fell down my neck, and she moved that last millionth of an inch so we barely touched, shoulder to shoulder to belly to belly to knee to knee to toe to toe, and she whispered hot into my ear,'Do you have pubic hair yet? Don't open your eyes, I want you to remember this forever'. She let go of my hands and moved slightly away, around me, behind me and said,'Close your eyes so tightly you can see red stars', so I did. Then she reached around from behind me and pulled my Tshirt over my head, reached down and pulled my shorts and underpants to the ground, and my pecker sprang out,stiff and throbbing, seeking, touching her cotton dress as she moved in front of me, 'Now open your eyes and look straight into mine', she said, and when I did I saw for the first time that intensity, that want, that utter control. Time froze until she turned her back to me and said, 'Unzip me'. I did, and her little cotton dress fell to the forest floor in the mottled sun like a halo. She squatted in front of me, caressing my stiff little dick, tickling me under the balls looking for signs of pubic hair; she breathed that hot little breath against it and said, 'See how it beats in time with your heart! But this has nothing to do with your heart!' She stood up before me and said, 'It has everything to do with this...' then stepped out of her threadbare panties in one fluid motion, fell back and sat on her crumpled dress. Parting her knees she said, 'Come closer, look.' and she pulled apart her lips and said, 'See, here, inside, this part here. Touch it!' On my knees, moving in closer, awed by this moist pink pearl I caught her scent and it blazed a path from my nostrils to my testicles; I touched her velvety clit and my nuts began to suck up into me - a silvery line of moisture beaded and fell from the end of my prick, and when she touched it and grasped me, I came, hot, urgent explosive. There were drops of blood - it was my first orgasm, and she said,'We have to go now', and I said, 'Does this mean we're in love?' and she said, 'Don't be silly'. We were eight years old, and already she was years beyond me.
2 Comments
Mood: melancholy
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Reverie... Jan 5th, 2004 3:11:31 am EST
Somewhere in that 20-odd year hiatus between marriages, I'm sure it was in the 'sportscar' days, friends in Hoboken were renting a cottage in Montauk L.I. for a week, and a second cottage had suddenly become available...I wouldn't have done it, but a single sister was accompanying them, and she was hot...I thought maybe...
They used to say that half the fun was in getting there, and that car had a great stereo, I had a stack of jazz tapes and it was a long drive, a beautiful summer day. Somewhere along Long Island I saw a sign for a beach, Smith Beach I think it was and I was in no hurry so I decided to spend a little time on the beach - what the hell, it was summer and I was headed for a cottage, might as well get into it, no? Smith beach was beautiful, long and flat and it turned out to be sort of a nude beach. I say sort of because there were a lot of naked people there, but there were also a lot of people in the usual beach attire; it was a strange mix, the naked and the clothed, somehow much more erotic than all one way or the other. I wandered around, taking in the sights, trying to make a decision to take off my bathing suit - I am not hampered by modesty, but my anxiety surrounded the inevitable erection that would result once I did it. Not that it would have been the only 'stiffie' on the beach, but I have always had this anxiety about size, shape, etc...do I 'measure up'...all that crap. I wanted to but ultimately didn't for the simple reason that I didn't want to start my week by the beach with a sunburnt pecker, so I walked the beach for a few hours filling my head with little 'vignettes'. My thoughts started projecting onto the possibilities for the week ahead so I knew it was time to head on to Montauk, so I went back to the car. The car had been baking in the sun so I opened up the sunroof and the windows to let it cool off a bit, and I was lightly sprinkled with sand so I was brushing it off with a towel and decided that I would be more comfortable for the rest of my drive if I peeled off the wet bathing suit and put on fresh underwear and cutoffs. I glanced around and the parking lot was deserted, but no sooner than I shucked the bathing suit than I could feel someone staring at me; she was a 'safe' distance away - about 2 rows of cars back, and was standing behind her open car trunk. I was thinking of this guy I saw on the beach, naked with an erection, unselfconsciously rubbing suntan lotion on while talking to two women in Tshirts and white panties, and suddenly my need was immediate. The thought that I was being watched was strangely erotic and exciting and within seconds I had a throbbing boner. I massaged it with baby oil and it seemed like only minutes until I reached orgasm; it made a sizzling sound when it hit the car parked next to me. As I pulled on my underwear, I turned and looked straight at my 'audience' - she was staring at me with such intensity that it seemed almost as if she wasn't there, she was so deep into her own fantasy. I finished dressing and was heading out of the parking lot, in fact I was almost at the gate when some sixth sense made me turn back and drive past my parking space. She was there, on her knees, licking the side of the car that was parked next to me...
The rest of my week was typical - the sister was hot, we drank, we screwed, we promised to stay in touch, but nothing even came close to the intensity of that hand job in the parking lot...
1 Comments
Mood: contemplative
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Frustration...Angst...Trepidation Dec 10th, 2003 6:49:43 pm EST
Surfing the net; God, they are so young, so rounded and springy - one could almost smell them. Yet, like a persistent memory they are so there yet so untouchable and fleeting. Do they even suspect they are merely factors in an existential equation of which they are not even dimly aware? I was young once, too, one would hardly beleive it to look at me now - I had so many plans, but not on the list was aging; but aging is the only thing I have accomplished.
1 Comments
Mood: anxious
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